Mountain Pass Creative Writing Task

Date: 28th Jan 2019 @ 8:01am

Let your imaginations go wild year 5 and write a short description to go with this picture. Remember everybody will be able to read and comment on your writing so ensure you have checked it before you post!

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Freya Ewing wrote:

At the start of the winter walkway, an adventurer was one of the best climbers. He came from a moving rock wall and he is now at the winter walkway ready to walk up. It was icy and it smelt like fresh snow and he saw magic appear in his eyes. He pulled out his binoculars because he thought, in the crack of the surrounding walls he saw a little baby robin. It was, but as soon as he crept up it flu back up to its mother.

Miss Piper wrote:

'walk up' I am sure you could come up with some great synonyms for walk Freya.

Finley Helbert wrote:

I like the alliteration ,Winter Walkway, Nice Idea!

Ashlea Taylor wrote:

you could improve the word 'winter' it could be frosty or chilly or any word meaning cold Freya

Jessica Cummings wrote:

I agree with Finley

Lacie Ford wrote:

I think winter is a great word for this and it makes alliteration in the sentence you couldn't have done better with that.

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Lillie Thompson wrote:

There was a hiker that came to hike in the snowy mountains it was almost like we were in a snow globe.The little girls name was Maddie she felt possessed. Luckily she had her dad (mike) . they were rocks that looked like they were going to fall. Maddie already had fallen she slipped on the steps and grazed her knee. When they got half way Maddie and mike realised they was a secret passage way they went through and they saw a treasure chests with chains on their eyes lit up . it it was glazing gold.

Miss Piper wrote:

Lillie, please watch your capital letters. Which words should you have started with a capital?

Lacie Ford wrote:

'they was a secret passage' I think you meant there was a secret passage

Finley Helbert wrote:

I like the idea of a normal hike up the mountains and then boom rocks fall a secret passage way to treasure. Its a great idea!

Abbigail Littler wrote:

i like the way you said there was a secret passage and the gold

Lacie Ford wrote:

I love how there is loads of gold at the end.

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Summer Daniels wrote:

In the deep dark forest there were trees that had barely any leaves,there was a little human called Cienna she has braids in she started walking up the steep slippery staircase the huge boulders caved in you could barely see any grass.When Cienna walked ahead she could only see fog and boulders.The little human was like ice she could barely move her joints.

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Jack Dougan wrote:

The mysterious, intrepid mountain adventurer hiked up the fierce ,cold unforgiving slope with hope to reach the top.It was bitter gelid and numbing it was that cold he had icicles hanging on his beard the turbulent wind was strong but he powered through it.

Finley Helbert wrote:

Intrepid, I love it but you kind of made it sound like Intrepid Travel not the description but the word, but I still love it. It's spectacular.

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Mia Carney-Washington wrote:

Bravely, a young adventurer carefully began to walk up the steep icy path. As he took the first step he remembered what people had said about him some said he was foolish and some said he was courageous but that did not bother him.He took a huge breath of the cool, fresh air! The path was as slippery as an ice rink! Every time a little snowflake touched his it felt like a cold blade jabbing his skin.

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Abbigail Littler wrote:

Once there was an adventurer and he climbed the bass mountain . The other people thought that he was crazy .That he might not come back but he didn’t care what they said .He started to climb up the slippery,steep steps and just carried on it was very snowy and he was getting very cold . The next morning, he woke up and was feeling like he was going to be sick . it was very snowy and he came very sick and started to remember what his friends said to him and started to give up and see his friends .

Joseph Bray wrote:

This is very good but you've got to ovoid repetition but apart from that every thing is great.

Cienna O'Rourke wrote:

I like were you decried what other people thought about the boy good job

Lillie Thompson wrote:

like your use of alteration 'slippery,steep,steps' excellent idea

Lacie Ford wrote:

I love your alliteration 'steep steps'

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Keira Lousie wrote:

Adventuring, the little girl and her two friends(keira,Cienna and lillie)loved to go hiking in the forest and mountains.It was very slippery and icy it as black ice so you couldn't see it it was very cold It was steep and hard to climb because it was slippery as there was black ice on the floor. It was snowing like a snowstorm it was really hard to walk through because it was really powerful and we was all shivering and shaking not knowing what to do.We was all freezing to death.luckily Cienna’s dad came to the rescue and brought us hand warmers*.

Mia Carney-Washington wrote:

Read your paragraph again and make sure your work makes sense.

Cienna O'Rourke wrote:

Amazing work i like were you said it was black ice so you can't see.

Jack Dougan wrote:

You don't need (and hard to climb because it was slippery) because have already said that it was slippery when you told us about the black ice

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Cienna O'Rourke wrote:

This was the slipperiest mountain I have ever climbed before it felt like I was going to freeze to death. All the steps were snowy I felt like i was going to slip down the stairs. If you climbed this mountain you would be a brave adventure and if you were this young like me you would be so brave. I was scared I couldn't breathe properly it was like winter but down the mountain it was summer up here it was snowing! Now it was time to climb the stairs hope but then… I slipped down the stairs it felt like I broke my arm but I was lucky it did not brake. Everyone called this the mountain pass.

Keira Lousie wrote:

I like how you have described the mountains just make sue in the future you read it over.

Abbigail Littler wrote:

I like the way you wrote in first person .

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Jamie Usher wrote:


The foolish adventurer prepared to scale High Hrothgar. Suddenly there was a shadow about 700 yards away who could it be it might be another climber i'll go check it out. An owl hooted… It got colder when I got further up to the summit the shadow had disappeared unless his were playing tricks on him then he saw something… it looked hairy really hairy but it was on two feet the creature spotted him and started to walk closer. It was snowing so it was hard to tell whether it was human or creature.

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Joseph Bray wrote:

Once it was a very snowy day, for a brave, fearless, daring man which he climbed the dangerous mountain of Hrothgar the most terrifying place on the planet, the higher you get the more skelebones you see. No one has ever gotten to the top of mountain Hrothgar, no one could find a way to the top, no one could see from the turbulent winds, and no one could get up there because they ran out of oxygen.It was snowing horrendously like snow for a miniature ant.

Harry Considine wrote:

I like your use of adjectives for the person climbing the dangerous mountain.

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Leonidas Konstantinidis wrote:


One glacial,frosty morning a daring ,dangerous adventurer decided to scale the gigantic. High hrothgar...Some called him foolish ,some brilliant .He didn't care about that. it only mattered to him what was hiding at the summit of the mountain!it was a slippery snowy day with the turbulent wind pushing and pulling him back and forth like two dogs playing with the same dog to toy.

Keira Lousie wrote:

I like the way you have started with one glacial it make it sounds like you are there.

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Finley Helbert wrote:

On the tall, dark mountain tree stubs shiver in a derelict condition on bed of cold fluffy snow people admire the courageous mountain climber of Matheuhi but as that drifted past his mind he got reminded of the turbulent thoughts of him he was called brave and foolish, lion-hearted and wimpy He thought it was small talk but it seemed his word had spread, he was disappointed he thought they respected him; as he was climbing he heard people jeering his name. The fallen oak trees looks like a trillion Christmas trees had been dumped. The snowy path sprinkled like glitter on a homemade Christmas cookie, he journeyed up the far mountain until… rocks falling?
AN AVALANCHE!!!

Mia Carney-Washington wrote:

I like the way you put an avalanche in capital letters.

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Lacie Ford wrote:

On a tall, dark mountain, Jack Bean began to climb the gloomy mountain.Seeing skeletons and bones in the distance made him jump.Terrified,he trampled up the snowy stairs.Feeling the cold on his foot made him remember what people had said, “foolish,disgrace!” and overs said, “brave,courageous!” and he carried on up the steep and freezing mountain trying to finish his heroic journey.

Joseph Bray wrote:

I like the rhyme with snowy stairs and I like heroic journey.

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Taylor Crabb wrote:

Step by step, I was shivering with the turbulent wind throwing me back, I was nearly half-way there. Suddenly I seen something in the ghostly fog… rolling fast and coming towards me, it was getting bigger and bigger each second it got more close. A loud crash happened… I realised what it was and it was something I didn’t encounter in my life. Gargantuan and stony, it was a bolder. I couldn't turn back with the draft pulling me but there was one thing I could do. It was to crouch behind a tree but it wasn’t tempting at all. Instantly the bolder was nearly here and I was terror-struck while the rock was around one minute away. Now I didn’t think I was going to make it, but then a mysterious hand appeared on my shoulder and I turned back to see who crept up behind me, it was my best friend Tom, he grabbed onto me and told me to follow him… with the mighty wind taking us back I got led into a cave. The bolder rolled past the cave and it was time to carry on my journey but now I was not alone.

Jayden Powell wrote:

I like the way you have used step by step in the bigining

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Harry Considine wrote:

He began to hike up the sheer shadowy ,mysterious mountain of doom the weather will make your ears boom.But not for this brave courageous 26 year old boy the whistling wind blasting anyone in its path!The spooky pat was as slippery as a snake.It was very wintry and the blizzards were unstoppable with the whole thing being covered in snow.

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Kadie Kirkham wrote:

Frantically the daring adventurer glanced downwards at the snowy mountain rocks falling rapidly from the sides of the mountain.
It was the scary time of night ,when it’s pitch black and the silence of the air makes you realise you’re on your own!
It was heavy snowing and it was slippy like an ice, people kept slipping down from the top to bottom.

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Ellis Parry wrote:

On the largest mountain there was falling icy snow, no one dared to climb on top of the mountain as it was super freezing! The half blocks of ice were glistening on the steep steps, I stood at the bottom amazed at the beauty of the mountain! My mind was made up, I was going to climb up those dangerous steps no matter what or who got in the way!
With every step came a slip, the soft snow kept falling around me as I felt my feet lose grip. I was scared but excited all at once, I knew in my heart I could do this...

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Jayden Powell wrote:

One night there was a adventurer that climbed up a huge steep mountain .but he could not climb the steep mountain .And sudeley the adventurer he took one step on the stairs but he remember what people said to him . finally he made it to the top .

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Ashlea Taylor wrote:

There was a young hiker at the start of the frosty,chilly ice cold walkway.it wan an great quest for the most experienced climbers.There were shadows of people that went here.The hiker was scared for life with all the shadows.The young hiker was never saw again!

Jessica Cummings wrote:

I think you ment was insted of wan

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Robbie Culshaw wrote:

Fally, a man how was thought to be brave but that is what everyone thought but one day he thought it would be funny to go climb a mastiff mountain what every ranticone was scared off because it was full of cracks and if you lay one foot wrong you would go flying down the steps. But he kept it cool he thought at first he thought he would fall all the way down the monsters steps.

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Jessica Cummings wrote:

A random foolish adventurer began the tretouse journey up this ice cold path.It was freezing more colder the than the arctic.People sometimes say that the cold can get through your mind and you start to see a shadowy demon and that's what the adventurer is going to find out to see if this demon is fake or real.This wasn't a normal mountain the adventurer could here a little girl crying and others laughing and then just then he saw the SHADOWY DEMON...it was coming closer “hello” studded the man he then without thinking the man took run for it.It has 8 hours since he ran from the demon he is exorcised and as cold as 20 ice cubes “I get why people don't come here” studded the man again he didn’t see the demon again when he ran for it.The adventurer fully regretted coming up here it was too much for him to handle he wanted to give up but he can’t.The adventurer had came to find what he’s looking for the demon is real.The demon had red eyes with and a fully black body with horns as sharp as 200 knives.

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David Clucas wrote:

A mountain adventurer began to walk up the steep mountain stairs to Narnia the nowhere place. Tired, cold, hungry he climbed up the the steep stairs until… one of his workmates (Bob) fell but someone strong caught him but Bob died of shock but they kept on going until their feet were aching and had a rest and a sleep. In the morning they woke up and kept on going until somebody found black ice that no one slipped on, it was weird if no one slipped on it “what was it” said one of the workers “I don’t know” said another one. When they reached the top it one half was stone cold ice the other was a volcano so everyone ran back down and warned the streets.

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heidi wrote:

it was good.

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